The Secret Life

Vancouver, British Columbia
Vancouver, British Columbia

You can always tell if a person has traveled. Call it the Indiana Jones effect, but there is something different about the way travelers carry themselves: how they dress, how they walk and the way they interact with the world around them. Even if they never mentioned the places they’ve been to, you could still probably pick them out in a crowd.

Why is this? What happens when we travel from one place to another? Do we become different people, or merely more complete version of ourselves?

When I was backpacking around the UK, I remember walking past a mirror one morning, about a week into my trip, and thinking, “Who is that?” The person I saw was standing straighter and taller than I normally did. She wasn’t wearing any kind of makeup or jewelry, but she was glowing.

At that point in my trip, I thought I would have felt haggard from the varying effects of jet-lag, daily strapping a pack to my back and hopping around from place to place. But I was the complete opposite – I felt alive. I felt transcendental. I felt vivid, like a coloring page that had finally been colored in.

This morning I watched “The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty” for the first time and thought about what happens to us when we go beyond our borders (physical or mental) to travel the world.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it. One of my favorite scenes is when the main character, Walter, is stopped by flight security and then “bailed” out by his eHarmony friend, Todd. At the beginning of the movie Walter has trouble writing anything for his online dating profile because he’s never “done anything.” But after getting back from traveling, something is different. When Todd sees him he says, “I pictured you as this little gray piece of paper, but now I see you and it’s like Indiana Jones decided to become the lead singer of The Strokes or something.” *

There is a physical difference in Walter, and Todd sees it. He’s not wearing a sign that says “TRAVELER”, just the essence of someone who has explored. Throughout the movie we see someone go from a man who daydreams about escaping his life, to someone present; someone who gains understanding, confidence and perspective.

There a few things I took away from watching this movie.

1. I truly believe we’ve all been Walter Mitty – whether it’s in our past, or in our present.

2. Just because that’s true, doesn’t mean we can’t change it.

3. “Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

4. The time is now. You didn’t miss it, and you shouldn’t be waiting for it.

5. How is Sean Penn still attractive at 53?

Watching this movie, there were so many points when I related. Years ago, I used to be Walter Mitty. I used to be scared of living life, or of taking any risks. I used to zone out a lot, daydreaming of adventures my life could have been, about traveling and finding ways to explore the world.

But something happened when I hit rock bottom – I started remembering how to climb. I stopped listening to people who told me I couldn’t do things. I started writing down dreams and then actually doing them. I started to risk. And I’ve never turned back.

Something happens when you travel. I don’t know that there’s a word for it, but the world leaves its mark on you. You’ll never be the same after you experience other people, cultures and environments. And you’ll never want to be.

While living under the illusion of safety can feel like we’re in control, the reality is that life is meant to be an adventure. For everyone that doesn’t mean the same thing, obviously, but if dreams of traveling are embedded in your heart, run after them.

Let’s live with eyes open a little wider, and purposes that reach a little higher. Adventures don’t always find us. Sometimes we have to go out and find them.

“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”

The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty

Yesterday’s Ceiling

Sequim, WA
Sequim, WA

Today I quit my job.

And after letting those words sink in a bit, I feel ready to cry. In case you were wondering, I have the perfect job; amazing family, amazing hours, great kids and great pay. Most people would think I was insane to leave, and right about now I’m starting to feel the same way. I think nauseous would be the word for the day.

All of the above being said, I think it’s important to state that there is a difference between feeling sick about a decision, and feeling uneasy. If I, at all, felt uneasy about leaving my job, I wouldn’t. I would stay put until I was forty and the last kid had graduated from college. But I don’t. And I’m not sure whether I’m happy or mad that I’m being led somewhere else.

In life there are always those “vitamin” decisions that you have to make. The choices that taste like crap and you have to half choke, half gag, down. But you do it anyway, because you know that they’re important and will make you stronger in the long run.

But, of course, being the brat I am, that doesn’t mean my soul can’t be furious. Although I know that moving is the right thing, and that it’s better for my future, even though I’ve dreamed about this my whole life, and I’m more excited than words can say, I’m still (for some unknown reason) livid.

I think it’s because I’m being forced out of my comfort zone. Ha. I didn’t even think I had one of those anymore. But I do. Although, sometimes I think I’m so busy convincing myself that I live on the edge, that I forget that even the edge can become a safety zone.

If only I could clone myself and put one self here, and one in France. Then we could correspond with each other and I’d be able to live out both lives simultaneously. I know that’s ridiculous. But you can’t blame a girl for dreaming.

I’m slowly starting to realize that, as the days go by, and the weeks pass, I’m getting more and more anxious about this transition. Even today, when I was telling my current boss that I would be leaving, I replied to her “That’s so exciting!” with a “Yeah…I guess so.”

It’s hard taking leaps. It’s hard to be someone doing something that no one you know has successfully done. It breaks my heart to know I’ll have to say goodbye to the kids I’ve loved for 2 years. It breaks my heart that I’m going to have to say goodbye to my family for an indefinite amount of time. It breaks my heart that I won’t get to hang out with the same Seattle people that I’ve loved for the past five years. It breaks my heart that I won’t get to play soccer, or go to my church or stop in on old places I used to work.

Basically there’s just a lot of broken heartage right now. That’s not a word. I don’t care.

I will say, though, that tangled amidst the brokenness, there is some excitement for the possibilities of the future. It feels a bit like a blank piece of paper staring me in the face and daring me to write a best selling novel. But maybe that’s what I’m the most afraid of? Messing up a blank piece of paper.

I probably sound like a crazy person right now, but these ups and downs are real talk. Transitions are scary and rugged. They aren’t always beautiful dreams, Pintrest boards and taking French lessons.

But that’s life. We appreciate the ups because we remember the downs.

When I was in India, our motto was, “Yesterday’s ceiling is today’s floor.”

It means what we’re called to today, all the promises and hopes and dreams, risks and pursuits, are only the stepping stools of the promises of tomorrow. We are created to cast off the “okay” and walk forward in confidence. There is so much more for us.

I think I forget too easily that, in the midst of my chaos, I have access to peace that surpasses human understanding; that even when I’m having nervous breakdowns and throwing spiritual tantrums, there’s a still small voice whispering, “Peace, greater things are yet to come.”

Because, ultimately, it’s not in the green pastures and safety nets that we find vitality and calling. It’s when we’ve pushed ourselves beyond our comfort zones and continued to strive for the inheritance of purpose we are called to.

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.” (Colossians 1:11-14)

Checklist for France!

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Glasgow, Scotland

This week, for some reason, it’s been really tough for me to feel like I’m accomplishing anything. Although I’ve been plugging away for months to get everything for France pulled together, it’s still hard to envision my work paying off, since that won’t be for a few months.

With that being said, here are some of the things I’ve finished up lately/I’m working on to get ready for France!

1. Doctor’s appointment: There are several steps in the process of applying for a French Visa. I had no idea how complicated this process would be, but I’m slowly finding out that you have to really WANT to go to France in order to move there. There are a million hoops to jump through before you can even think about applying.

One of these necessary steps is getting a  doctor’s note (aka Medical Evaluation) that states that you aren’t dying. This visit also has to be within three months of you leaving for France so it wasn’t until this week that I was finally able to make the appointment! Yay!

2.  Birth Certificate: Somehow I lost my birth certificate. I have no idea where it is and I need an official one to copy before I move, sooooo I ordered a new one this week. It’s surprisingly easy to get.

3. DuoLingo-ing the world: I know that’s not a word, but it is now. Every day I spend about 1 hour(ish) on Duolingo practicing my French. I used to dream of the day when I’d be at more than 20% word knowledge, and then I looked at my screen yesterday! I’m satisfied.

Screen Shot 2014-05-07 at 10.29.44 AM 4. I’ve been kind of obsessed with French Romantic Comedies lately. They’re just so much better. If you haven’t watched any I highly suggest these:

5. French Magazines are my new favorite thing to read! I can’ t seem to get a copy of a French Vogue, but I’ve been going through French Elle and Marie France

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6. I finally started to actually go through my belongings and get rid of stuff: I’m trying to get rid of probably somewhere around 60ish% of my belongings so I’ll only be keeping essentials here in storage (20%) and taking the other 20% with me to France. Numbers, numbers, numbers.

7. I’m loaning out my fish to my little sister while I’m gone: My two goldfish, Octavius and Pyro, have been with me for about 5 years, now. But, since I can’t take them with me, they’re going to go live with my little sister until further notice. She better not kill them like she killed my bamboo I had her “take care of” last time I moved.

8. Dentist: Because I don’t know what the situation will be in France, I went to the dentist this week to get my mouth at 100% before leaving. Four shots of anesthetic later, and we’re good.

9. College application: I sent in my college application last weekend so I’m waiting to hear back from them! Hopefully I’ll be able to take classes there over the next year. I really hope I get in, but who knows?? Fingers crossed!

10. Growing out my f^$&^@! hair: Anyone who knows about curly hair knows that it is a beast that doesn’t want to be tamed. Anyone who has tried to regrow out a mowhawk knows it’s just awkward. Add the two together, and you have a recipe for disaster. Which is pretty much where I’m at right now. I almost get my hair re-shaved pretty much every day. But luckily, I have a hefty dose of Irish/Scottish stubbornness in my blood and if I said I’m growing it out – I’m damn well going to.

11. I bought a tablet! With layovers etc. I’m going to be traveling for like 30 hours when I go to France, so I bought a tablet so I can take it with me, to read/watch movies, when I travel. It’s coming in the mail today, hopefully, so I’m super excited!

12. I’m emailing a church in France to try to get connected with one near where I’m living.   Being able to keep connected with people who share my faith is so important to me, and I’m really hoping that I can connect with some fun people in France. One of my way too awesome friends was in Paris, and he found some people to connect me with at the Hillsong plant in Paris. I’m excited to see what connections I can make 🙂 (This had been high on my list, so I’m so glad to have some kind of lead finally)

And that’s “all” for now! Ah! Only 3 months!

Also, one of my friends left yesterday for his Au Pair-ship in Australia. Check out his awesomeness on his blog! 

DID YOU KNOW?!?

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Did you guys know I am a writer/photographer for the website “The Exploress”? Check out some of my pieces and some of the other amazing stories about life, and traveling the world as a woman!

CLICK HERE to read more! 

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No Hablo Español

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Missoula, Montana

It’s a truth universally acknowledged (at least in the Northwestern US) that a student educated in the art of speaking Spanish will be ten million times more likely to use it, than one educated in French.

I made that statistic up.

But, if you are one of the masses of people who chose to take Spanish as your educational language in school, I salute you – I was not.

My entire life I felt pressured to pursue Spanish. In school, I remember there being three Spanish classes filled with students (all with waiting lists) while we – the poor French class students of America – could barely fill two tables in our classroom.

Perhaps I was a hipster even as a ten year old, but I just COULD NOT understand why people wanted to take Spanish. Speaking Spanish felt like denim in comparison to the velour of the words I was used to practicing and perfecting. I obviously don’t share the feelings now, but you have to understand that I was an extremely opinionated and stubborn child.

And, as most people in love, I was hell bent on defending the honor of my darling French language, any time it was brought into question  – which was often. I remember adults telling me it would be better for my future if I took Spanish classes. That it would look “good” on my résumé and that I would be able to better connect with “my culture”…wait, what? Yes, people thought I was Hispanic (I am not in any way, in case you were wondering). But that’s another story for another time.

The one time I actually attempted to try out a Spanish class, I was entirely disappointed. They said “que” and I pronounced it like it was supposed to be pronounced, “Kuh”. They said, “No, no, no, Emilee – QUE.” Yes, I don’t have a hearing problem, I remember thinking. And the second time I over pronounced it the French way, just out of spite.

It’s true, I was a brat of a child. I knew what I liked and was fiercely loyal to it. *Disclaimer: I am, in no way, claiming to have grown out of this.

Now that I’m older, I understand the importance of all languages, but I also understand the importance of sticking with what you’re passionate about. Should I have taken Spanish because it was something that “everyone” would use when they grew up? Maybe.

But, if I took a poll to see how many words my high school friends actually remember from their FOUR YEARS of studying, I’m pretty sure I would have great directions to the bathroom and know the person’s name.

See, while doing what is “practical” might seem like the right thing at the time, sticking with what I love is now proving so much more useful in my life.

I like to think of myself as an advocate of impractical thinking. I highly encourage doing the “impractical thing” in order to stay true to yourself (as corny as that sounds). Because, when it comes down to it, you are ultimately the person who lives with the shapes you are molded into. And you never know when, in your future, you might need a couple nonsensical skills. While French was seemingly impractical when I was growing up, knowing Spanish now, would be of little use to me while living in the countryside of France.

As a result of learning a language I was actually interested in, and wanted to learn, I dug deep into the language and actually LEARNED it. I was able to find my own identity and go down my own path; one that’s leading me to some pretty awesome places now that I’m an adult.

I’ll be the first to say that if there was enough time to learn every language, I would. I’m not devaluing any, Spanish or otherwise, in any way – but I will say that taking it for me would have been a mistake. Not because of what the language was, but because it wasn’t where my heart was.

In a perfect world I think all languages would be available in school systems so kids could really explore and see what stuck out to them. Right now, I live with one roommate who speaks Russian and another learning German, and I can’t help remembering that those languages weren’t even an option growing up. Why?

There’s going to always be a standardized educational system that provides what they believe is “best” for the students they are educating. But my challenge is that dark horses like me are allowed to thrive in an environment that might not be the common choice. Who knows how many linguists we’re missing out on by limiting the options of school languages!

Oh, and for all my Spanglish speaking friends – I adore you. But, don’t think I won’t remind you how “que” should really be pronounced.

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Glasgow, Scotland