Category: Wonderings

Why I’m So Obsessed With My Heritage

Published on by Emilee1 Comment

You have to understand something to understand the answer to the headline of this blog post.

I’ve always been an outsider. I grew up in neighborhoods where I didn’t look like anyone, I went to family reunions where I didn’t look like anyone, I went to a school where I didn’t look like anyone, and I went to a church where I distinctly remember there being ONE person who looked like me…and it wasn’t a small church.

I grew up constantly being told what and who I didn’t look like…essentially I grew up being told what I was not. People were constantly stripping my identity from me. I couldn’t possibly be her daughter because I didn’t look like her. I couldn’t possibly be her sister because I didn’t look like her. I couldn’t possibly belong in the Nordic club at college because there’s no way I’m part Scandinavian. “He can’t be your brother, he’s way lighter than you.”

The best way I can explain my feeling growing up is the scene in the Disney animated movie Cinderella. You know that scene right before the ball when her step-sisters rip her newly made gown from Cinderellas body? Yeah, that. Despite wanting to belong, to celebrate and establish her place in the world she’s rejected in a very real and tangible way. To me, the verbal refutation of who I was felt just like that. Every time someone expressed how there was no way I wasn’t adopted I felt like the pearls had been ripped from my neck and lay scattered across the ground.

For 19 years I swam in the grief that bubbles around being constantly told who you’re not. While I had a very supportive mother who tried to verbally bat away the sentiments that just about everyone seemed to have, there’s only so much one person can do (especially when they’re not by your side).

It wasn’t until I was in my mid twenties that I said “Fuck it.”
I was going to decide who I was.
I was going to decide what I did with my life, and if I was ‘too light’ to be in one and ‘too dark’ to be in the other—I would build my own culture.

This was a large part of why I started traveling. Because when I was standing on the cliffs of Ireland there was no living creature, on this planet or another, who could argue with the way my heart sung. My blood knows where I belong. It pulses differently when I’m home. And home is not a building. It’s a song, a taste, a smell…it’s seeing art that dates back hundreds of years and somehow completely understanding the mindset of its makers. Because they think the same way I do.

I made the decision five years ago to travel to each country I knew I had an ethnic tie with and this year I completed that journey with my trip to Norway. It could honestly not have been a better ending with such a serene time exploring the beauty of Oslo. But now I want to dig deeper. I want to know more.

A lot of people are surprised when I take classes to learn the traditional methods of my ancestors but I think it’s so incredibly important. I need to reach back in as tangible of a way as I can. I need to feel the heart beat of generations through our art, stories, food and writing. It would be impossible for me to fully describe how it feels like I’ve found a missing puzzle piece each time I dig deeper into my cultural heritage…but I will tell you one thing.

I don’t know if, like me, you feel like an outsider. But if you do, don’t ever let other people define you. Build your own legacy. Weave your own narrative and embrace those things that make your heart soar. I know it sounds corny, but you might be the only person listening to that exact frequency. And if you follow it? Well, there’s a good chance other people won’t understand why. They won’t understand why you feel the need to cook traditional meals, learn how to make folk art, or dance to the same songs that have inspired generations.

But that’s okay.

It’s okay for no one else to get it.

The reason that I’m so inspired and passionate about embracing my cultural heritage is because I refuse to believe that I’m alone. I refuse to accept a narrative of “I can’t”. I will not live among the restrictions that others have told me about who or what I can be. And with every look of shock as I walk into a class, visit a country, speak a language or know more about a country’s history than those that live in it, I choose to grin. Because this is my story. And I’m going to make it a hell of a good one.

 

 

Of Many, One: National Women’s Equality Day

Published on by Emilee1 Comment

Wake up at 7am. Feed the cat. Make some tea and breakfast. Pick out some clothes. Try not to wake him up. Brush my teeth. Lint roll all of my black clothes. White cat. Pack my backpack. Make sure I have my badge. Forget my phone. Put lavender in the diffuser. Run to the bus. Make the bus. Realize I forgot my phone.

This is what this morning looked like. It wasn’t glamourous or even noteworthy and in a lot of cases it would be considered a fail. But I’m learning the steps to a new dance. In the last two months I’ve become a cat mom, moved myself into my first apartment, and started a new (dream) job. It’s been crazy. Usually one of those things would be enough to upset a daily routine, but I’ve been juggling them all while having to realize that I’m only one person.

Sometimes I make it to yoga, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I forget to change the kitty because I’m trying to remember to get groceries. Unfortunately one of the big things that’s been pushed to the back burner is my writing, which you’ve probably noticed from the complete lack of posts going up on this blog. It’s been a crazy couple of months and I just haven’t had the time or energy to type in between moving couches, giving flea treatments, and trying to spend time with people who are close to me.

But this is our life as modern-day women, isn’t it? We jump from one crazy thing to another, balancing each while smiling in a pair of taupe chunk-heeled pumps. In celebration of National Women’s Equality Day I decided to take a few minutes today to do something that take my life as a modern day business women and gives it spice: my community.

I feel so incredibly honored to have a supportive gent who has moved far more furniture than anyone should and my friends who have given me advice about how to take care of my cat, given me advice on how to ask for a decent salary (it’s really hard ladies, but you’re worth it!), and pushed me to keep creating even though I have a case of the crazies. Community is what it takes to thrive. And another community that’s been an inspiration in the midst of the chaos has been the one at R. Riveter.

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling
Me with the Corbin backpack from R. Riveter. Use code RREMILEEM for 15% off your order 🙂

Let me tell you, these women are absolute powerhouses and embody the idea that although we’re from different backgrounds and different geographical locations we are stronger together. We can make a difference by taking our skills and our strengths and building, instead of breaking. I’m so honored to have been a part of a community of women so committed to change. One of the most beautifully impactful ways being Marketplace which is a  collection that donates proceeds directly to an award for other military spouse owned businesses.

We can make a difference. We just have to remember that when things get tough, it’s the village that raises us up to our potential.

 

Staying Grounded When Chaos Hits

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I definitely don’t live a standard life. And the thing about being a risk taker is that sometimes things fall short. And other times, everything falls short at the same time. Which is pretty much what happened last week. Let’s just say a lot of things crashed and burned. But that’s life, isn’t it? One minute everything is one way, and in an instant shit changes.

Since it seems like a lot of people in my life are experiencing chaos hitting the fan, I thought I would share some of my go-to techniques for staying grounded when life isn’t playing nice. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Gardening

I’ve loved gardening since I was born. No joke. I think my love of gardening came from my Irish/English grandpa who always had a massive garden and would teach me how to take care of each plant and honor the earth it was planted in. Being around plants soothes me. At the moment I’ve created a bit of a garden with some vegetables, roses, herbs and the most beautiful hydrangea ever. When I’m feeling super stressed out I go and sit out on my porch and just take in the reminder that growth will still happen, no matter what life feels like at the moment. Related image

2. Reading

I own more books than is probably healthy, and I try really hard to manage my addiction to buying them. This one I blame on my mom, since I grew up with an entire library to choose from. I love the wisdom and dependability of books. They’re still going to be there waiting for you to learn, or love, or let you leap into a fire pit to save an entire world. Who cares how your day way? There are adventures to be had. Right now I’m reading these books:
The First American
How We Got to Now
The Name of the WindImage result for hermione book gif

3. Meditation/Prayer

If you’ve followed along on this blog for a while, you know that I’m a Christian and my faith is a really important way for me to bring balance to my life and worldview. When things get hectic and chaotic I take time to step back. I turn off my electronics and meditate to recenter. I think this is a really important part of being human, whether you’re connecting religion to it or not. Because when we find peace in ourselves, the outside world has a way of falling together, as well. Image result for meditation gif

4. Art/Cooking

I’m an artist and I do art. A lot. Whether it’s knitting, crochet, painting, cross-stitch (my latest craze), sewing, or making a recipe from scratch, creating with my hands brings me back to my center and calms me. I’ve always been like this, and I think it’s the same for a lot of people in my family. We’re makers. It’s in our DNA. We couldn’t stop even if we wanted to. Image result for cook little mermaid gif

5. Standing on my bed and lip syncing to Miley Cyrus

Ha. Ha. You thought these were all going to be adult and normal. Gotcha! I’m a huge Miley Cyrus fan (judge me if you must, you scoundrel) and I’ve found that her album Bangerz is just about the perfect lip syncing music to get that “F U” attitude off your heart. Be thou warned, that these are explicit lyrics. But, ya know, sometimes you need so yell a few swear words to get your mind back on track. The point is, have fun. You’ll be amazed how much of a difference it makes.

What do you do to re-center yourself? I’d love to hear about it! 

The Wonderful World Of Dating As A Travel Blogger

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Let’s be honest. Dating in 2018 is a shit-show.

Most people on Tinder are looking for unicorns (don’t look it up, mom) or hookups, and the rest are some kind of weird, with more baggage than a flight to Antartica.

“But, Emilee! What about…” Stop. Before you tell me about how your sister’s cousin’s best-friend met her husband on POF, I’m talking general scope here. For most who are looking for more than a quick hook-up, the dating scene is bleak. Real bleak.

And for us travel bloggers? Goddesses of plane tickets and bullet journals…the struggle is even more real. If you’re a girl who travels you know what I mean:

  1. You’re way picky because you’re a little too awesome for most guys out there.
  2. People assume that every trip you take has something to do with getting a fresh scope on that continent’s male population.
  3. You aren’t in one place long enough to really establish a relationship, so you hop from long distance to long distance, with visits on holiday weekends and summers.
  4. People love to ask this question, “How are you still single!?”

Sound ’bout right?

We’ve chosen a lifestyle that’s counter intuitive to the way most of the world thinks. Which means we’d rather buy RT tickets to Malta than baby formula and diapers. And some people don’t get that. And some people never will.

Beyonce Funny GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Let’s be honest, traveling changes you. The type of guy you’d go for pre-traveling is probably completely different than the one you’re looking for after island hopping in Southeast Asia. Experiences mean more. Open-mindedness means more. And a willingness to travel means a hell of a lot more. In fact, one of the biggest turn-offs is a guy saying, “I’m not really into travel.”

Because when it comes down to it our lifestyle means we’ve pinpointed what we love already. We’ve taken the time to love ourselves, and to pursue the things that make our hearts soar. So if you’re a gentleman suitor not up to the challenge…bye.

And let’s talk travel community. When a travel girl finds another travel girl they’re like soul sisters. We’re a strong community of bad-ass women who have set out to find deeper meaning, and to meet beautiful people around the world. Our favorite book?

This book is actually super good. Read it.

And there’s nothing wrong with us living our lives off the beaten path. We’re our genuine selves, and that’s more valuable than you might think. Authentic is hard to find, ladies. Don’t ever let it go. Because someday you’re going to find someone who makes you feel complete and whole. Maybe that’s a guy, or a girl, or a cat, or own glorious self…just promise me you’ll never stop traveling and doing what you love.

After note: I wrote this post a while ago and have since started dating a pretty wonderful guy. That being said, I think this still rings so true. Dating as a travel blogger is a world of its own.  

When You Don’t Feel Like You’re Enough

Published on by Emilee1 Comment

You are enough.

The older we get the more people seem to think they can tell us we aren’t enough. Now I’m all for self-improvement and for building on who we are to make even more bad-ass versions, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the people who tell you that you don’t belong. That your dreams aren’t valid. That you’ve tried and failed…and that you should stay down.

Don’t listen to them. For the love of all that’s holy, don’t. There are always going to be voices in your life that say you are less than worthy. It’s not true. But it’s going to be an ongoing trend in your adult life. Welcome to adulting. When you meet these people you’re going to have two choices:

  1. Believe them, and adjust your actions accordingly.
  2. Don’t believe them, and adjust your actions accordingly.

Now, if you know me, you’ll know which option I’m opting for. Fight. Fight back. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t become successful at what you imagine for yourself. Build a network from scratch. Live off caffeine for a while, and put in 8 hours AFTER your 8 hours. Whatever you have to do to make that dream a reality, do it. I know it can seem like some far-off imagining. But find someone who has made it, and then follow their footsteps. Start telling everyone what your dream is. Anyone who will listen. Tell them where you are and how hard you’ve worked to get there. Then, tell them where you’re going–where you see yourself in five or ten years.

I’ll warn you now…you’re probably going to freak some people out with your ambition. They’re going to see you glowing like a lightbulb and tell you to tone it down, or to stop striving for more. “Be more focused.” “Can’t you just take it easy?” “Calm down.” “You’re showing us all up.”

Show them up.

Keep doing what you love, as long as it burns a fire in your heart. And then, if it starts to die, reignite it. Those people who are standing in front of you, telling you that you’re trying too hard–those are apparitions. Those are the ghosts of dreams past. They were scared to try, and when they see you the fear that’s choking their heart is reminded of it’s former glory. Push past them: mentally, physically, however you have to. Block them out. Turn on EDM and eat french fries for lunch. Watch cat memes, and go lay in the sun. Remember you are from dust and to dust you will return…but not yet. First you have dreams to wrangle in. You have pursuits to run after. Run. Don’t ever stop running.

Surround yourself with people who believe in your vision. People who say, “No matter what happens, you’ll find a way to make this work out. You’ll be fine.” Stick with people who believe in your strength. People who will dance with you in the kitchen on days when shit goes down and you feel like curling up on the floor. And to those who don’t understand what you’re passionate about–those who stare at you like you’re crazy? Let them stare. Let them be swallowed in their confusion until they convulse in their own bleak reality. You were made for more. Live beyond the naysayers and the dream-wreckers. You got this. We got this. 

The Wisdom Of Wes Anderson: Chaos And Creativity

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A couple days ago I went and saw the new Wes Anderson movie “Isle of Dogs” and it got me thinking about how much I love his movies. Not only are they completely original, they are completely him. When you see one you know who made it. You know whose art it is.

This movie also got me thinking about the age/time of life I’m currently in. One where self identity is more and more important. Let’s be real, sometimes it can feel like there’s a timer on how long you have to peg down an identity. In life, for instance, there are different cliques of people. You’ve got the millenial moms, the broke artists, the fashion bloggers, the activists, the forever students and the dream droppers…just to name a few.

I’ve never particularly felt like I belonged to any of those groups but that’s less because I didn’t want to, and more because the preverbal sorting hat just couldn’t pick a faction for me to belong to. I’m not divergent (a little of each), I’m more just not on the chart. Like when you ask your doctor what the expected pain intensity of a procedure will be and they kind of squint because who knows? It changes. I am that pain point. I am that unknown. And sometimes that terrifies people. Heck, sometimes it terrifies me.

Four years go I started blogging because I was terrified to shit about moving abroad. To be honest I don’t even know if I wanted to move abroad, but I knew that the time-meter of my life was telling me I had to grow up soon and I needed to get that checked off my list before I regretted it. I’m not sorry I lived in France (I mean, how could I be? It gifted me with so many amazing tales of adventure), but maybe I’m a little bit wiser. I’m not onboard with putting myself in situations, anymore, just because I feel like I should be there. Is this what it feels like to grow up? Does a celebrity host pop out from a corner to award me a gold star for having matured?

BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM: Let’s just say I’ve reached the point where I don’t want to do things out of obligation. I want to be in spaces and places that feel natural. I want to be around people who don’t make me feel like it’s a chore to exist in the same space.

Wes Anderson was interviewed once about what it feels like to continue with your creative instinct, despite it not being the norm and his answer was refreshing. It feels like chaos. It feels like not knowing how thing are going to fall together. But, despite that feeling of uncertainty, you know you have to press on in a certain direction. Of course, that’s me paraphrasing so please don’t write Wes Anderson and tell him I quoted him wrong. Thanks.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe it’s okay not to fit into a box. Maybe it’s okay not to be a hybrid, either. Maybe it’s okay to just float along doing whatever makes you creatively fulfilled even though those things don’t line up to the naked eye. Maybe, just maybe, Christmas means a little bit more…wait. Sorry, I got off track for a minute.

Does that make sense? Have you ever felt that way?

As an artist and a writer I think it can be really easy to feel like I have to fit in one mold. Or even just pick whether I’m an artist or a writer. But what we create doesn’t have to be crammed into a checkbox. Be bold enough to create your own genre. Wes Anderson that shit! 

 

2017 Reviewed By Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger

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Welcome to the post every blogger writes, yet most readers don’t give a shit about: my year in review (sorry for the swearing, mom).

Being a travel blogger has been one of the most amazing adventures of my life, but sometimes I still look back at pictures and wonder if I really went there, or did that. Whose life is this? 2017 was a wild ride because I got to travel to eight…yes, EIGHT, different countries.

While I usually only take one big trip per year, I somehow fit two in, and it was an absolutely incredible privilege to check off big list items like Morocco and Denmark (two places I’ve been DYING to go). This year also took me from one of the most traumatic experiences, to some of the most beautiful I’ve ever had. I’m leaving some things behind in 2017 that I’m really going to miss but that’s part of moving forward, right? The end of a year always seems to close a chapter on some things you aren’t quite ready to let go of.

Such is life, I guess. This year has made me stronger, wiser, and as my mom says, “someday it won’t hurt so much.” Until then, let’s live a little stronger, a little more passionate, and really pursue the things that set our hearts on fire. 2018 is going to be such an amazing adventure. I’m already starting to plan some pretty epic road-trips, and I cannot wait to share all of the savory details with you guys. Until then, here is my blogger contribution to the madness of 2017. Happy New Year!!!

Backpacking trip: Ireland, Scotland, Denmark, Belgium

I started out this year with a solo backpacking trip that was one for the books. Not only did I love going to Loch Ness and Inverness (Outlander fans!?), but I also just loved seeing the highlands of Scotland. During this trip I also had, singlehandedly, the best 48 hours of my life in Denmark (and made some amazing new friends!).

Cosplaying Rufio at Emerald City Comicon
I’ve only been cosplaying for a couple of years, but I’m so obsessed with it that I don’t know if I’ll ever stop. I love being able to represent characters that I love, and I love gender-bending (taking a male character and giving them a female twist). My Rufio cosplay was so fun to take to Emerald City Comicon. Honestly. I live for conventions.

Becoming a Schwinn/ R.Riveter ambassadorThis year I got to be an Ambassador for two different brands: Schwinn Bikes and R. Riveter bags. Both of these brands have a strong backing of supporting people who are out there really living their lives. Whether it’s taking city adventures with my bike, or traveling across the world (or to another world) with my R. Riveter bag, I’ve loved every minute.

Going to my first Renaissance Faire This was one of those last minute things where you’re less than prepared, but more than a little excited for an event. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, to be perfectly honest, but getting to experience my first joust (and ax throwing) was a pretty special event in my life. I also got to throw an axe…so that was cool. In 2018 I’m really looking forward to going again, and this time cosplaying.

Doing a live painting at BumbershootI’ve told this story a few times, but I was told a lot (growing up) that I wasn’t meant to be an artist. I wasn’t “called” to it. Well, this year not only did I continue painting shoes with my Etsy shop, but I got the amazing opportunity to do a live painting at Bumbeshoot, which is a huge music festival in Seattle. Even better? My painting sold!

Creating some super nerdy art projects (Sherlock + Jamie Fraser)There has seriously been so much nerding this year and I’ve loved it so much. From getting connected with my favorite podcast “Three patch problem” to crocheting little nerd dolls to send to friends, it really has just been the best. I’m also almost finished with all of my Harry Potter house scarves, so keep an eye out for those in my Etsy shop!

Going to the Skagit Valley Scottish Highland Games The Skagit Valley Highland Games has become a tradition that I don’t think I ever want to break. It’s so fun to go celebrate my Scottish heritage, eat amazing food and enjoy traditional Scottish dancing and music. It really is food for my soul and this year was great because I won my tickets for having the best photo from the 2016 Highland Games!

Dislocating my shoulder… the third day of summer campThis year was a year for injuries. This must mean I’m getting old. Not only did I dislocate my shoulder (resulting in weeks of physical therapy), but I also got pneumonia, sustained a 102 degree fever for a week, got my heart broken, and had my first ER visit. This year was kind of a constant progression of healing, but it taught me a lot about patience and about how amazing my little tribe of badass women is. Thank you every single person who held me up this year, despite the crazy.

Cosplaying Aquaman after months of planning I started planning this cosplay after ECCC in March and it came together beautifully. I loved being able to think of something and then actually see it materialize. Also, having a faux shoulder sleeve tattoo was pretty badass. Cosplay brings so much happiness to my life, I don’t even know how I ever went without doing it. Cheers to new ideas and great conventions in 2018! 2nd Photo credit to Aubrey Rebecca Photography.

Getting a new job…my dream job!2016 and 2017 I worked 60 hours a week (6am-6pm…every day) to build a resume that could get me my dream job. I’ve always been a writer, and what started as watching Mad Men resulted in me pinning down that ad agency work was the absolute ringer for what I wanted to do with my career. In October, my hard work finally paid, off thanks to some amazing women helping me along the way. I absolutely love my job, and I feel so incredibly thankful for it each and every day that I’m there.

Backpacking trip: Spain, Morocco, England, Iceland
I ended this year the same way I started it: with travel. 2018 will mark my five year anniversary of backpacking, and I can’t believe I ever let people tell me not to do something that brings so much life to my being. I love traveling, and visiting friends around the world added so much value to 2017. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to jump on planes and live out my passion. I don’t take this privilege lightly. For me traveling is the gateway to every other part of my life being inspired, and I can’t wait to see what adventures 2018 brings my way. 

How 2017 Helped My Millennial Problem

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December 31st, 2016 I gave up on something I had done for the past 20 years of my life—I gave up on New Years Resolutions. I decided I had enough of telling myself I couldn’t do things. I was sick of trying to break habits, and pick up skills that had nothing to do with what I wanted to do with my life.

January 2nd, 2017 I was sitting at my desk realizing how alone I felt. I had been working 60 hours for the past year, and I had managed to isolate myself in a toxic relationship, and away from people who valued me. I remember sitting at my desk and thinking, “It’s been so long since I’ve seen my friends.” And when I say long, I mean years.

After living abroad for a year, I had lost contact with a lot of people. In addition to the fact that we were all living our adult lives, I was 5,000 miles away. Not exactly the recipe for strong friendships. When I moved back to the U.S. I pretty immediately began working like a maniac, to make up for some debt from living in Paris, and I started dating someone a month after being back. It was insane.

So here I am, starting a new year and feeling like shit. Hello, 2017. All I wanted to do was hang out with people who made me happy. So I made a promise. Not a resolution, but a promise to myself. I didn’t have a whole lot of extra time (re:working 60 hours a week), but I did have an hour a month. I decided that once a month I was going to meet up with someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. I made a list, and got real with myself. This needed to happen.

And it did.

Every month this year I have grabbed coffee, tea, Skyped, or hung out with someone I hadn’t seen in forever. People who make me happy. People who get me. People who I would be friends with, even if the sky fell. No agenda, I didn’t get anything out of it—I just sat down and had coffee.

Now let me tell you how this changed my life.

My generation (millenials) is one of the loneliest to ever exist, despite the fact that we have more access to people than humanity has ever had before. Think about it—I have access to connect and talk to millions of people every day. It’s insane. And despite that fact, we have higher rates of depression, anxiety and just general unhappiness.

Slight detour: Remember those people who made you happy as a kid. I’m talking about the friends who you raced worms with. The puddle jumping buddies. The non-agenda I just like you friends? Okay, cool—hold onto that thought for a minute. 

When I started to meet up with people who I had no “reason” to meet up with, I started to see myself different. The people I chose are all people who have inspired something in me, when I met them. Maybe it was creativity, or drive, or laughter, or (to be honest) just plain geekery. Whatever it was, it was those people who I just click with—Kindergarten style.

Every time I met up with one of these people I re-discovered a part of myself…and I had a lot of fun. Like, so much fun. Honestly, I am so honored to have these people in my life. This project also spurred on other community creating ideas, like a monthly girls “crafternoon” which honestly gives me so much life.

What I’ve learned from this “project” is that so often we get too busy for people, and we forget how much value they can bring to our lives. I know there’s a huge emphasis on maintaining certain lifelong relationships, like romantic or family…but you know what? Don’t undervalue friendship. Don’t undervalue how rich your life can be from being around people who just get you.

Collaborate with them, grab coffee with them, plan movie nights with them. Create the opportunities to have your life enriched and I guarantee you’ll see results. And anyway, this is so much better than starving yourself for some crazy weight-loss goal. 

The Process: Finding Yourself In The Pursuit Of Perfect

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Lately I’ve been talking with some friends about the importance of process.

Let’s be honest, as Millenials we’re pretty used to instant gratification. We enjoy products we never see created, from places we’ve never been, made by people we’ll never meet.

It’s not our fault—we were born into this world. But it can become really dangerous when we start to believe that things are born into existence without any type of struggle.

When people approach me asking why traveling is “so easy” for me, I have to sometimes stop and wonder. Should I talk more about the horror stories that have happened while I’ve traveled? It’s so easy to see the results of my adventures, without seeing the very real blood, buckets of sweat, and actual tears it takes to get those pretty Instagram photos.

But nobody wants to hear about the struggle of being robbed, or losing your credit card, or being sexually harassed in a city. Nobody wants to hear about getting horribly lost or running out of money.

But, here’s the thing: All of that mess? It’s real. The struggle is real (I can’t believe I just worked that into an actual blog post).

Here’s the good news: It’s an invaluable foundation to build dreams on. It teaches us balance, it teaches us discipline, and it teaches us how to sustain success when we reach it.

Reality check: It’s usually not a fun process.

But you NEED to go through those years of making terrible mistakes. Think of it like high school (or college, for me). Remember trying out those weird piercings and ridiculous outfits? THAT is what helped you learn. Without that process, how would you ever know what was you?

My biggest piece of advice: Don’t let people push you into one mold. Trying to fit will only break off the most valuable parts of who you are.

For me this looks something like:

  • Being okay with supporting local indie musicians, while knowing the words to every Taylor Swift song.
  • Rocking my Nikes while being able to catwalk in five inch heels.
  • Loving Legos, conventions, and comic books while ALSO loving pink, unicorns and glitter (let’s be real, sometimes those two coincide).
  • Refusing to allow people to tell me what I should like based off of my skin color.
  • Being just as proud of my African American heritage as I am of my Native American, Scandinavian, Irish and German.

I travel because I want to…because I NEED to, not because people tell me I should or shouldn’t go somewhere. And guess what? It hasn’t been all fairy dust and roses getting to the point where I can find that balance.

Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of this imaginary perfect. You are uniquely you, and you’re equipped for more than you know.

When Your Life Doesn’t Look Like It “Should”

Published on by Emilee2 Comments
I have 112 unpublished blog drafts. That means 112 times I started writing, got frustrated and stopped. Yet, I am still a blogger.

I’ve been thinking a lot about failure, lately. A friend and I were talking about how in college you’re asked 101 times,”What’s your five year plan?” But after college? Nah. Nobody asks me that anymore. Life a decade after college is something halfway between eye-rolls that I don’t have 2.5 children and people gasp-asking how I do everything I do (Hint: I don’t have 2.5 children).

My life is couture, I’ll admit. It’s custom cut to fit me.

And as I sit here drinking copious amounts of tea, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve made my life what it is—the decisions that brought me to where I am. Once upon a time I was offered the white picket fence life, but instead I chose to travel.

And here’s a little insight into why:

 

Because doing what you’re “supposed” to do, just to keep up with societally imposed schedules (based off of age/ gender etc.) does not guarantee you any more success or happiness than waiting to be personally ready.

 

Live your life on your time. When you’re ready to travel, travel. When you’re ready to get married, get married. When you’re ready to adopt a dog, adopt a dog. But please please don’t do these things to make your life look “right.”

My life right now is nothing like what I thought it would be. In fact, according to my child self, I’ve failed spectacularly (still not the lead singer of a band). But, you know what?

That’s okay.

My little under-developed freshman SPU self wouldn’t have even been able to imagine the wild adventures I’d go on. She wouldn’t have had a clue how many amazing people I’d meet, or how many bucket list items I’d check off. She wouldn’t know that I’d be able to build a life where I did what I loved…and got paid to do it.

Easy isn’t the answer.

Amidst the stress and crazy, I really really love my life, and I’m really f*cking happy (sorry, mom). I’m starting a new career at a beautifully brilliant company where I get to help women all over the world. I live in a beautiful 1928 vintage house, full of strong independent women, in one of the most beautiful cities. I get to geek out over things as much as I damn well please, and I write for a living. Let me repeat that so my child self can hear it back through the sound waves of time: “YOU GROW UP TO BE A PAID WRITER!”

Life doesn’t look like it “should,” but I’m okay with that. It’s not about predicting outcomes five years down the road. It’s about taking what life throws at you and creating beauty out of it. That’s what makes life this messy and magnificent thing.
Obviously there are times when things get absolutely frustrating. Curve balls get thrown. But being frustrated doesn’t mean you give up on building the life you want. It might mean you walk away from things for a bit, but it does not mean you stop.

 

I like to think about it this way: Growing up I always thought I was going to reach adulthood and be handed this telescope with which I could see my future. It would be clear, and entirely in focus. But, in fact, it’s so much more beautifully intricate than that.
My life is a kaleidoscope. There are shapes and colors and weird little speckle things that I haven’t even discovered, yet. Yes, my past plans for the future failed spectacularly, but they were replaced by experiences I literally could not have dreamed for myself. And that’s beautiful.

A group of friends used to say, “Yesterday’s ceiling is todays floor.” And I honestly believe that. The best is yet to come.

Now pardon me as I go buy tickets to a zombie ball.