The Secret Life

Vancouver, British Columbia
Vancouver, British Columbia

You can always tell if a person has traveled. Call it the Indiana Jones effect, but there is something different about the way travelers carry themselves: how they dress, how they walk and the way they interact with the world around them. Even if they never mentioned the places they’ve been to, you could still probably pick them out in a crowd.

Why is this? What happens when we travel from one place to another? Do we become different people, or merely more complete version of ourselves?

When I was backpacking around the UK, I remember walking past a mirror one morning, about a week into my trip, and thinking, “Who is that?” The person I saw was standing straighter and taller than I normally did. She wasn’t wearing any kind of makeup or jewelry, but she was glowing.

At that point in my trip, I thought I would have felt haggard from the varying effects of jet-lag, daily strapping a pack to my back and hopping around from place to place. But I was the complete opposite – I felt alive. I felt transcendental. I felt vivid, like a coloring page that had finally been colored in.

This morning I watched “The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty” for the first time and thought about what happens to us when we go beyond our borders (physical or mental) to travel the world.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it. One of my favorite scenes is when the main character, Walter, is stopped by flight security and then “bailed” out by his eHarmony friend, Todd. At the beginning of the movie Walter has trouble writing anything for his online dating profile because he’s never “done anything.” But after getting back from traveling, something is different. When Todd sees him he says, “I pictured you as this little gray piece of paper, but now I see you and it’s like Indiana Jones decided to become the lead singer of The Strokes or something.” *

There is a physical difference in Walter, and Todd sees it. He’s not wearing a sign that says “TRAVELER”, just the essence of someone who has explored. Throughout the movie we see someone go from a man who daydreams about escaping his life, to someone present; someone who gains understanding, confidence and perspective.

There a few things I took away from watching this movie.

1. I truly believe we’ve all been Walter Mitty – whether it’s in our past, or in our present.

2. Just because that’s true, doesn’t mean we can’t change it.

3. “Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

4. The time is now. You didn’t miss it, and you shouldn’t be waiting for it.

5. How is Sean Penn still attractive at 53?

Watching this movie, there were so many points when I related. Years ago, I used to be Walter Mitty. I used to be scared of living life, or of taking any risks. I used to zone out a lot, daydreaming of adventures my life could have been, about traveling and finding ways to explore the world.

But something happened when I hit rock bottom – I started remembering how to climb. I stopped listening to people who told me I couldn’t do things. I started writing down dreams and then actually doing them. I started to risk. And I’ve never turned back.

Something happens when you travel. I don’t know that there’s a word for it, but the world leaves its mark on you. You’ll never be the same after you experience other people, cultures and environments. And you’ll never want to be.

While living under the illusion of safety can feel like we’re in control, the reality is that life is meant to be an adventure. For everyone that doesn’t mean the same thing, obviously, but if dreams of traveling are embedded in your heart, run after them.

Let’s live with eyes open a little wider, and purposes that reach a little higher. Adventures don’t always find us. Sometimes we have to go out and find them.

“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”

The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HddkucqSzSM

Tangible Dreams

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My feet and Rattlesnake Ridge, WA

There’s something beautiful about tangibility.

Call me a romantic, but I love the feeling of feeling.

I love getting ink on my fingers while I’m thumbing through the NY Times. I love pounding down the keys of a vintage typewriter. I love running my fingers over the hand tooled leather of my favorite bag, or turning the pages of a vintage book.

There’s just something about being able to touch and feel, that makes things more real.

Yesterday, I got an acceptance letter to the University of Orleans, in France. I was excited beyond words to get the email, but I couldn’t help slightly mourning that I wouldn’t be able to rip into the letter when it arrived in the mail. That being said, I’m so extremely excited, I think I can overlook missing the experience.

And anyway, next week I’ll have a scan of the original acceptance letter, and I fully intend on running through the streets waving it like a child high on 4th of July parade candy. It shall be glorious.

Getting into the university I wanted comes with a lot of emotions – something my Norwegian roots are not used to and, frankly, have no idea how to process.

Mainly, because this is the first time I’ve really wanted to get into a university. Most of my life my parents have decided which school I would go to, and I’ve never questioned their decision-making. Even the college I went to for my BA was the same one my brother and mom graduated from.

Applying to the Université D’Orleans was the first independent choice in my education, and it feels wonderful. Think kid riding their bike without training wheels for the first time: completely thrilling, mildly terrifying and ridiculously liberating.

I’ve wanted to study abroad since I can remember. But when I was in college, it was ridiculous to even think about. Since I was on an accelerated track for graduating, there was the issue of time (I was only at the university for two years, instead of four), and there was also the huge issue of financial accessibility.

My school promised to match the tuition being spent at their campus, but since that would still have been about $40,000 (without scholarships) and with an added cost of living expenses in Europe, it was just not plausible.

So I tucked that dream away. And, honestly, I forgot about it. I forgot how much I wanted to study abroad when I was in college. How weird is that? A teenager who wants to go to school as much as possible. But every time one of my friends would announce that they were going off to whatever country they were planning on studying in, I remember being slightly ridiculously jealous.

Now, in the true nature of my life, I’m finding a roundabout way of accomplishing a dream that has unexpectedly resurfaced out of nowhere. Normality doesn’t run in my timeline.

God looks at my plans and says, “Haha. Yeah – how about this, instead?”

And the thing is, it’s always so much better than what my plans were, or could have ever been. Here I am getting ready to study at a university for an entire year, instead of only a semester. Rather than amassing more debt than I can ever pay off, I’m getting paid while I’m studying. AND I get to live with an amazing French family the whole time. Call it cliché (French word – woot!), but I feel so blessed right now.

Even though this whole process has been/is going to be filled with ups and downs, stress and hard work, laughing and crying, it’s one of those mountains that’s worth climbing in order to reach the amazing view.

Although it might not be the way I had it planned (there’ve been a few more rocks and potholes on this trail than I had anticipated), I’m learning that, sometimes, it’s the unconventional paths that reward us with the greatest experiences.

Intangible and seemingly impossible dreams can (and do) become tangible realities. Sometimes, you just have to find a different way of climbing.

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’
declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.’ 

Isaiah 55:8-9

Yesterday’s Ceiling

Sequim, WA
Sequim, WA

Today I quit my job.

And after letting those words sink in a bit, I feel ready to cry. In case you were wondering, I have the perfect job; amazing family, amazing hours, great kids and great pay. Most people would think I was insane to leave, and right about now I’m starting to feel the same way. I think nauseous would be the word for the day.

All of the above being said, I think it’s important to state that there is a difference between feeling sick about a decision, and feeling uneasy. If I, at all, felt uneasy about leaving my job, I wouldn’t. I would stay put until I was forty and the last kid had graduated from college. But I don’t. And I’m not sure whether I’m happy or mad that I’m being led somewhere else.

In life there are always those “vitamin” decisions that you have to make. The choices that taste like crap and you have to half choke, half gag, down. But you do it anyway, because you know that they’re important and will make you stronger in the long run.

But, of course, being the brat I am, that doesn’t mean my soul can’t be furious. Although I know that moving is the right thing, and that it’s better for my future, even though I’ve dreamed about this my whole life, and I’m more excited than words can say, I’m still (for some unknown reason) livid.

I think it’s because I’m being forced out of my comfort zone. Ha. I didn’t even think I had one of those anymore. But I do. Although, sometimes I think I’m so busy convincing myself that I live on the edge, that I forget that even the edge can become a safety zone.

If only I could clone myself and put one self here, and one in France. Then we could correspond with each other and I’d be able to live out both lives simultaneously. I know that’s ridiculous. But you can’t blame a girl for dreaming.

I’m slowly starting to realize that, as the days go by, and the weeks pass, I’m getting more and more anxious about this transition. Even today, when I was telling my current boss that I would be leaving, I replied to her “That’s so exciting!” with a “Yeah…I guess so.”

It’s hard taking leaps. It’s hard to be someone doing something that no one you know has successfully done. It breaks my heart to know I’ll have to say goodbye to the kids I’ve loved for 2 years. It breaks my heart that I’m going to have to say goodbye to my family for an indefinite amount of time. It breaks my heart that I won’t get to hang out with the same Seattle people that I’ve loved for the past five years. It breaks my heart that I won’t get to play soccer, or go to my church or stop in on old places I used to work.

Basically there’s just a lot of broken heartage right now. That’s not a word. I don’t care.

I will say, though, that tangled amidst the brokenness, there is some excitement for the possibilities of the future. It feels a bit like a blank piece of paper staring me in the face and daring me to write a best selling novel. But maybe that’s what I’m the most afraid of? Messing up a blank piece of paper.

I probably sound like a crazy person right now, but these ups and downs are real talk. Transitions are scary and rugged. They aren’t always beautiful dreams, Pintrest boards and taking French lessons.

But that’s life. We appreciate the ups because we remember the downs.

When I was in India, our motto was, “Yesterday’s ceiling is today’s floor.”

It means what we’re called to today, all the promises and hopes and dreams, risks and pursuits, are only the stepping stools of the promises of tomorrow. We are created to cast off the “okay” and walk forward in confidence. There is so much more for us.

I think I forget too easily that, in the midst of my chaos, I have access to peace that surpasses human understanding; that even when I’m having nervous breakdowns and throwing spiritual tantrums, there’s a still small voice whispering, “Peace, greater things are yet to come.”

Because, ultimately, it’s not in the green pastures and safety nets that we find vitality and calling. It’s when we’ve pushed ourselves beyond our comfort zones and continued to strive for the inheritance of purpose we are called to.

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.” (Colossians 1:11-14)

Step By Slow Moving Step

A picture from a few days ago in Seattle.
A picture from a few days ago.

Right now I’m sitting on a park cliff overlooking Puget Sound. There’s a slight breeze, and half of the sky is sunny; the other filled with half huge cumulonimbus clouds speckled with highlights of gray and white. Staring at me are the Olympic Mountains. And normally, on a clear day, I would see them fully. But today, they are half hiding behind a dense curtain of clouds. I smell salt water. I hear seals barking on the beaches down below. Preening stay-at-home dads are walking by with their babies strapped proudly to their chests. A boy and his dad are practicing their Dempsey moves. The attire of each person here proclaims their love of hiking, nature and going on adventures.

This is Seattle. And I’m going to miss it – a lot. Sometimes I sit and just think of all the things I’m going to miss about home after I move. It sounds depressing, but I have a good reason for doing so.

I want to make sure I now appreciate what I won’t be able to appreciate once I leave. I want to make a list, and check off every special part of my city, knowing that I’ve enjoyed it fully. 
I want to savor everything. I want to imprint every favorite view, every spot I’m in love with, in my mind. I want to remember the smell of salt water and rain. I don’t ever want to forget home.

I’ve moved away from Seattle before, and I remember the feeling of displacement. How it feels to know you fit somewhere, but that you’re somewhere else instead.

But knowing that I’m going to miss my home city doesn’t make me sad, or prevent me from loving it in the moment. Rather, it makes me relish it. I don’t want to think for one moment, when I’m in France, that I wasted my last few months in Seattle. Because the weird reality is, I don’t know when I’ll have more. One year? Two? Five? Who knows?

Today I was thinking about the past year. It’s crazy how much can change in such a short time. Primarily that my AppleCare on my MacBook just expired, but other things too. We never know where we’ll be a year from now. I would never in a million years have guessed I would be moving to France. I know people always say, “ If you had told me, I would have told you that you were crazy.” But I literally would have.

France wasn’t in the books. There were no plans for it. But now, looking around, it’s incredible how much I seem to have been “preparing” for it for years without knowing. Now, here I am: getting rid of half my belongings and begging my mom to take care of, and love, my goldfish. Change is uncomfortable and inevitable, and I generally don’t like it. But, for one of the few times in my life, this change feels right.

I think it would be natural to step back from this opportunity. It’s intimidating. It feels like a rock wall blocking the path to the next chapter of my life. But, no matter how much I stare at it, it’s not going to dissolve. I know I have to climb it.

My job right now is to make sure I’m prepared, to equip myself and then grab on. Because ultimately, when I get to that end point, everything I’m learning now will enrich and enhance what I’m about to do – I just happen to still be in that stage of equipping.

Sometimes this place is scary, and awkward and frustrating. It’s taken me weeks to fill out paperwork for schooling and my visa etc. And it’s exhausting to not know what to prepare for on the other side. No matter how much work I put in now, how many French lessons, how much money I save, how many ideas I have and packing plans I make, I have no idea if it will be enough. The reality is that it could NOT be.

Regardless, I know the hard work is worth it. Something amazing is waiting for me on the horizon. Maybe it will be everything I ever hoped for – maybe it will be something I never knew I wanted. But, right now, it’s not my job to worry or freak out. My only task is to reach out and grab ahold of it.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

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The PRE paperwork before I can actually start on my paperwork for my French Visa.

5 Things I Never Thought Would Be Useful To My Life

Me being a nanny/Darth Vader

It’s kind of funny how life prepares you for things you don’t have any idea will happen. Sometimes it makes sense, when you have a clear goal of where you want to go next (ex. taking swimming lessons to prepare to beat Michael Phelps in the next Olympic games) but, more often, we periodically find ourselves in somewhat odd chapters that make no immediate sense to our life stories.

I’ve always thought it was funny how things fall into place, and yesterday I was thinking about how many perfect situations I have experienced in order to prepare me for my now future, when I had no idea it was going to be happening before a couple of months ago. So, here they are: Five seemingly useless parts of my life…

1. College Grades:

When I set out to do something, I generally work my hardest at it. I don’t really see a point of pursuing something you’re going to give half an effort to, and I don’t ever want that kind of repertoire. In college it was pretty hard to “care” about grades and how I did in my classes. I lived in dorms where people ran around screaming and went on awesome 2am adventures. I’m not gonna lie, it looked appealing, and sometimes I wanted to go ice blocking at 3am, too. But, I had to remind myself why I was at college – to learn. And now, the grades which didn’t seem to matter (the general consensus seemed to be “as long as I graduate…”) are being submitted to the French government for approval. Am I glad I paid a little more attention? Yes. Yes, I am.  (Also, it’s required to have your BA or an equivalent education in order to work as an Au Pair in France, so I’m really glad I have my degree in general.)

2. Backpacking:

When I took my backpacking trip around the UK I was just looking to get away and go on an adventure. I wasn’t trying to get a book deal, or trying to inspire the world – I just needed to get away. Although, it was an amazing trip, my motives were purely self motivating. Now looking back, however, I see that if I hadn’t taken the leap of faith in traveling to Europe by myself, I would never have had the guts to move to another country. Moving to France seemed so much more attainable because I had already travelled (almost) that distance, alone, before.

3. Working With ESL Kids:

Two of my five nanny children were adopted from Africa shortly after I started working with the family. While the oldest had pretty much mastered English when they arrived, the younger one still has some trouble with verb confusion and possessive nouns. But he’s learning quick! And being able to be there to help and guide them, while they master a language, has given me skills which I can use when I’m working with teaching English to the kids I’ll be a nanny to in France.

4. Taking A Random Foreign Language And Continuing To Practice It After High School:

Everybody is forced to take a few years of a foreign language, but most of us don’t remember anything after our academic requirements are filled. Honestly, why should we?  But my brother told me something after I had taken my last required French class that stuck with me. He told me to never stop practicing; to watch French movies or read French books, every now and then, so I didn’t lose what I had learned. And he was right! I would never have retained the amount of vocabulary I have now unless I had, every now and then, continued learning. (Also just taking French in the first place, and not allowing myself to be peer pressured into taking Spanish, which I never liked — refer to this blog post)

5. Being A Nanny:

Unlike many people who are nannies, I never had any desire to work with kids. The opportunity definitely picked me, more so than I picked it. When I first started nannying I had no idea how much it would stretch me as a person, teach me to love, and inspire me to become a better person. For a long time I saw it as a stumbling block on the road to my career success. But it’s only now, when I look back, that I see how important it was for me to experience nannying before I moved on to whatever the next chapter of my life will be.

Me being a nanny/Darth Vader
Me being a nanny/Darth Vader

Five Reasons I Love Traveling Solo

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I’m a loner by nature and I love exploring the world in a way that I can fully soak in everything around me. Most of the time that means traveling alone. Not convinced? Here’s why:


1.  You can do Whatever You Want…Whenever You Want

I am unashamed to say that I’ve spent four hours sitting in a museum before. During that time I’m pretty sure I viewed ever single piece of art on all four stories, sat in on a mini lecture about Eleanor of Aquitaine and bought post cards of all of my favorite dead British people. It was glorious – nobody saying they needed to go to the bathroom, they were bored or that they were hungry.

2. You Get to Make New Friends Along the Way and Network

Even beyond Couchsurfing buddies, you can make friends on buses, planes and trains so much easier if you’re traveling alone. It allows you to talk to people who are actually from the places you travel, and to learn more about the culture around you by experiencing it through the eyes of the people who live there. I’ve met so many awesome people in hostels that I hung out with because I didn’t have the crutch of only talking with people I knew. I love the incentive to come out of my shell and have the opportunity to get to make connections with people all around the world!

3. People are More Helpful to a Single Person than Groups

As sad as it sounds, when you’re in a group you’re generally viewed as a nuisance/tourist. When you travel alone you’re a stranger people are much more likely to help with directions, advice etc. There’s something about traveling solitary that I’ve found makes getting help from people around you so much more accessible.

4. No Curfew/Wake up Time

Even if it’s not about having a “bed time”, usually if you’re in a group there’s some kind of mentality that you need to be tucked in at some point, or, at least, that someone needs to know where you are at all times. I love the freedom of being able to go out and not have to check in with anyone whether I want to stay out late or go to bed at 6pm (but, really, when I was in Dublin I slept for 14 hours once).

5.  You Can Try Random Things Sporadically

One of my favorite memories will always be meeting up with a friend I hadn’t seen in years, in London. While we were there, we found out about a concert that was going on in the city and just HAPPENED to have one of my absolute favorite artists, James Arthur, performing at it. I loved being able to just drop everything and go…because there wasn’t an “agenda” that I had to stick to or other plans that I needed to keep in mind.

All these things being said, there are a TON of reasons why it’s fun to travel with people as well. But, either way I think it’s important not to have a mentality that you “can’t” travel somewhere without having an entourage. Having a good time is completely up to you, no matter which situation you’re in!

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Me during my first solo backpacking trip. I was a tad bit excited to see James Arthur.