When You Don’t Feel Like You’re Enough

You are enough.

The older we get the more people seem to think they can tell us we aren’t enough. Now I’m all for self-improvement and for building on who we are to make even more bad-ass versions, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the people who tell you that you don’t belong. That your dreams aren’t valid. That you’ve tried and failed…and that you should stay down.

Don’t listen to them. For the love of all that’s holy, don’t. There are always going to be voices in your life that say you are less than worthy. It’s not true. But it’s going to be an ongoing trend in your adult life. Welcome to adulting. When you meet these people you’re going to have two choices:

  1. Believe them, and adjust your actions accordingly.
  2. Don’t believe them, and adjust your actions accordingly.

Now, if you know me, you’ll know which option I’m opting for. Fight. Fight back. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t become successful at what you imagine for yourself. Build a network from scratch. Live off caffeine for a while, and put in 8 hours AFTER your 8 hours. Whatever you have to do to make that dream a reality, do it. I know it can seem like some far-off imagining. But find someone who has made it, and then follow their footsteps. Start telling everyone what your dream is. Anyone who will listen. Tell them where you are and how hard you’ve worked to get there. Then, tell them where you’re going–where you see yourself in five or ten years.

I’ll warn you now…you’re probably going to freak some people out with your ambition. They’re going to see you glowing like a lightbulb and tell you to tone it down, or to stop striving for more. “Be more focused.” “Can’t you just take it easy?” “Calm down.” “You’re showing us all up.”

Show them up.

Keep doing what you love, as long as it burns a fire in your heart. And then, if it starts to die, reignite it. Those people who are standing in front of you, telling you that you’re trying too hard–those are apparitions. Those are the ghosts of dreams past. They were scared to try, and when they see you the fear that’s choking their heart is reminded of it’s former glory. Push past them: mentally, physically, however you have to. Block them out. Turn on EDM and eat french fries for lunch. Watch cat memes, and go lay in the sun. Remember you are from dust and to dust you will return…but not yet. First you have dreams to wrangle in. You have pursuits to run after. Run. Don’t ever stop running.

Surround yourself with people who believe in your vision. People who say, “No matter what happens, you’ll find a way to make this work out. You’ll be fine.” Stick with people who believe in your strength. People who will dance with you in the kitchen on days when shit goes down and you feel like curling up on the floor. And to those who don’t understand what you’re passionate about–those who stare at you like you’re crazy? Let them stare. Let them be swallowed in their confusion until they convulse in their own bleak reality. You were made for more. Live beyond the naysayers and the dream-wreckers. You got this. We got this. 

The Wisdom Of Wes Anderson: Chaos And Creativity

A couple days ago I went and saw the new Wes Anderson movie “Isle of Dogs” and it got me thinking about how much I love his movies. Not only are they completely original, they are completely him. When you see one you know who made it. You know whose art it is.

This movie also got me thinking about the age/time of life I’m currently in. One where self identity is more and more important. Let’s be real, sometimes it can feel like there’s a timer on how long you have to peg down an identity. In life, for instance, there are different cliques of people. You’ve got the millenial moms, the broke artists, the fashion bloggers, the activists, the forever students and the dream droppers…just to name a few.

I’ve never particularly felt like I belonged to any of those groups but that’s less because I didn’t want to, and more because the preverbal sorting hat just couldn’t pick a faction for me to belong to. I’m not divergent (a little of each), I’m more just not on the chart. Like when you ask your doctor what the expected pain intensity of a procedure will be and they kind of squint because who knows? It changes. I am that pain point. I am that unknown. And sometimes that terrifies people. Heck, sometimes it terrifies me.

Four years go I started blogging because I was terrified to shit about moving abroad. To be honest I don’t even know if I wanted to move abroad, but I knew that the time-meter of my life was telling me I had to grow up soon and I needed to get that checked off my list before I regretted it. I’m not sorry I lived in France (I mean, how could I be? It gifted me with so many amazing tales of adventure), but maybe I’m a little bit wiser. I’m not onboard with putting myself in situations, anymore, just because I feel like I should be there. Is this what it feels like to grow up? Does a celebrity host pop out from a corner to award me a gold star for having matured?

BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM: Let’s just say I’ve reached the point where I don’t want to do things out of obligation. I want to be in spaces and places that feel natural. I want to be around people who don’t make me feel like it’s a chore to exist in the same space.

Wes Anderson was interviewed once about what it feels like to continue with your creative instinct, despite it not being the norm and his answer was refreshing. It feels like chaos. It feels like not knowing how thing are going to fall together. But, despite that feeling of uncertainty, you know you have to press on in a certain direction. Of course, that’s me paraphrasing so please don’t write Wes Anderson and tell him I quoted him wrong. Thanks.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe it’s okay not to fit into a box. Maybe it’s okay not to be a hybrid, either. Maybe it’s okay to just float along doing whatever makes you creatively fulfilled even though those things don’t line up to the naked eye. Maybe, just maybe, Christmas means a little bit more…wait. Sorry, I got off track for a minute.

Does that make sense? Have you ever felt that way?

As an artist and a writer I think it can be really easy to feel like I have to fit in one mold. Or even just pick whether I’m an artist or a writer. But what we create doesn’t have to be crammed into a checkbox. Be bold enough to create your own genre. Wes Anderson that shit! 

 

14 Ways I Save Money And Travel More: Part II

A while back I wrote about how I save money so I can afford to travel, and since y’all loved it, I’m back with ROUND 2!

I’m definitely not any kind of millionaire, and I don’t have a limitless incomes, so traveling has to be a very intentional priority for me. I don’t budget because I don’t like spending money (believe me, I love spending money) but because there are some things that are just more important to me. It goes like this:

My income + Saving on everything I buy = MORE $$ FOR PLANE TICKETS (yay!)

Disclaimer: My life is my own and these tips don’t/won’t necessarily work for everyone or every lifestyle…duh.

1. Rewards Programs 

Check out the reward programs for the things you already use. Have a credit or debit card? You probably have rewards or perks. If you go to the movies a lot, like I do, then you should check out their rewards programs as well. I also make sure to always get punch cards and things like that from smaller shops because the fact is, they usually don’t expire, and I’ve got a whole lot of free food/drinks for spending money I’d already be spending.

2. Mailing Lists 

So, call me old fashioned, but I actually use the U.S. mail system. This is how I get birthday specials, coupons for artsy sh*t and also how I keep up with the art world around Seattle. You’d probably be surprised how many mailing lists you’re missing out on, and what they’ll send you. (On another note, don’t forget to sign up for email lists)

3. Get High Off Learning

Can I just tell you how much I love taking free learning/educational courses? Not only does it give me a ton to talk about with people, but it also nourishes my mind when I’d probably be out doing something stupid because I’m “bored.” My favorite go-to is Khan Academy, but there are actually a ton out there. A quick Google search can usually find you a million and one to choose from.
*Fun fact: I got my last job because I self taught myself techniques from online courses.

4. No Alcohol Or Coffee

Here’s a fun fact: I don’t drink alcohol or coffee. There are a couple reasons for this, including (but not limited to) the fact that alcohol makes me pass out on the first sip and coffee puts me to sleep (#ADHD) but this also allows me to save a whole ton of money. If I do need to hang out in a coffee shop, or get some caffeine, I usually stick with tea. As for alcohol, I just lie and always say I’m the designated driver.

5. Car Sharing

I’m a huge advocate for public transportation, but I also use car sharing services like Car2Go and ReachNow. Both of these services allow me to use a vehicle when I’m in a hurry, or when I need to transport things like groceries. Overall, it takes such a huge load off my mind to know there’s an independent way for me to get around that’s WAY cheaper than Uber (Car2Go starts at $.35/minute).

6. I Have Roommates

I actually hate the idea of living alone, so this one’s easier for me. As we all know, Seattle’s a pretty expensive city. So to help with the cost, I live with three other awesome women in a house. Some people have issues with this, but as long as student loans rule the universe I think it’s a great way to save money while being able to afford city living. Especially when moving home to your parent’s basement isn’t an option.

7. Cook At Home Date Nights

I really love to cook, but I absolutely hate cooking for one. Seriously, I’ll eat a bowl of cereal for dinner, rather than cook myself a solo meal. That being said, date nights are a great time to step into the kitchen and get yo’ pizza on. The best part of cooking with someone you care about is that it’s inexpensive fun, there’s a tasty end result, and you get to make fun of them, you get to encourage the other person’s cooking efforts.

8. L-I-B-R-A-R-Y

I actually almost broke this rule recently, because I really wanted a book and almost cracked and bought it from Amazon. But then it came from the library, and I reminded myself why I keep things in my Amazon cart rather than allowing my impulsive self buy all the things. Books are my weakness, I’m not gonna lie.

9. Blow Money On Some Things

Here’s the deal. I don’t hoard money. I save money for things that I want (even if that’s for retirement, that’s still something I want…down the road). I do, however, have a list of things that are important to me (plane tickets, shoes, art supplies) so I have a rule: When those more expensive things are available at a great price, I throw down on them. This actually ends up saving me more money because when I don’t feel like I’m depriving myself, which means I’m more likely to save.

Don’t live a completely miserable life in order to save money. It’s about being smarter, not living in a blackhole of misery.

10. Stare At Your Finances

Grab a glass of grape juice ’cause shit’s about to get real (sorry mom). Every now and then you’re going to need to take a deep breathe and look over your finances. It’s not fun. Believe me, I know. But if you’re keeping careful track of what you’re spending I promise it will get less painful as time goes by. Some people recommend apps and spreadsheets for this, but honestly I just go through my bank statements. The truth will set you free.

11. Pay MORE For Student Loans

Here’s a fun fact: By paying more on student loans you’re actually paying less on your loans. Your mind is blown, I know. I usually pay an extra 25% on each of my loan payments because as “little” as that sounds, it actually really adds up over the 10 year span of time. See if you can pull a little more money in that direction. If you end up with a chunk of change from some random life, that’s also a great time to make sure it goes toward paying off, rather than partying.

12. Buy Refurbished Electronics…On Holidays

I love Black Friday. Not because I go stand in lines at 3am, but because that’s the time when I purchase my electronics—it’s when I bought my action camera, DSLR, and tablet. Why? Because it makes sense.

If you’re research the electronics you want to purchase, then you know exactly what you’re in the market for, right? Now all you have to do is find the online shop with the biggest sale. Also, whenever you can, try to buy refurbished!

13. Buy Essentials When They’re On Sale, Not When You Need Them

Again, this does not mean hoarding like a squirrel. But there are some things that you’re going to use, because it’s a part of your daily routine. For instance, yesterday I bought makeup removal wipes in bulk. Am I going to use 100 makeup wipes in the next week? No. But I do use them on a daily basis, so I know that if I buy them when they’re $3/pack, instead of $8/pack, I’m ultimately saving money. Have a mental or physical list of the things that you continually use (for me it’s usually toiletries, cleaning and bathroom supplies) can save you a whole lot down the line.

14. Download App Alerts 

A lot of the time people think I’m texting when I’m checking my phone, but usually I’m looking at some kind of alert. No, not from Snapchat (because I hate it…story for another time). I sign up for a few different store apps that send me special promotional deals and alerts when there are coupons or cheap prices for things. This is anything from art supplies to plane tickets to groceries. If there’s somewhere you shop a lot—download the app!

What about you guys? What are your favorite ways to save money? Leave yours in the comment section below! 

10 Awesome Happenings From 2017…So Far

The last 6 months have been a sham. In today’s world it’s pretty easy to write a list of 10 terrible things that happened recently… in fact, you can probably write up 10 terrible things that have happened this week #America. But, in the spirit of being my opposite self (known pessimist) I’m going to encourage us to focus on the positive.

I think it can be really easy to focus on all of the not-so-great things in the world, and while I am not advocating for ignoring those (at all!) I am offering a 5 minute read break of some pretty cool things that have happened, but that can easily be overlooked. But don’t let it stop with me! I want to hear all the beautiful things that have happened in your lives, as well. In the spirit of celebration, share yours in the comments!

1. The apocalypse didn’t happen

Okay, so this one might seem a bit extreme. But, yo. Shit went down in January, and I think we can all agree on that (sorry for the swearing, mom). But can I just say something, really quick? I’m proud of you guys. I’m proud of my allies who post signs in their yards saying that they support people who look different from themselves. I’m proud of the people who don’t stand around ignoring homophobia or xenophobic remarks on public transportation. I’m proud of the women who take their daughters to protests with signs that say, “WE ARE HERE. WE ARE WATCHING. WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!” I’m proud of my science friends who march for knowledge. I’m proud of my friends who sat in airports and said, “No. Fear will not rule how we treat our neighbors.” I’m proud of you guys.

2. I found out what I want to be when I grow up

This is the year when I finally figured it out. I know what I want to be when I grow up! And no, it’s not a brain surgeon—sorry mom. I graduated in 2010 with a Degree in Journalism and literally no idea what I wanted to do with my life, other than have people stop asking me what my five year plan was.

I gave myself five years to do whatever the hell I wanted. I traveled the world, lived in another country and in different states. I worked for a non-profit, I took more internships than I can count. I was a nanny. Giving myself time to grow was one of the best gifts I think I could have ever given myself, and it works! I finally figured something out. Stay tuned for more details!

3. I took a trip to Europe 

Every year, since I started solo backpacking, I’ve tried to take a trip back to to Europe. Why Europe? Because it’s my heart. I don’t know how to describe it, really. But when I’m there (almost regardless of the country) I feel like I’m at home. Since 2013 I’m kept my promise to myself and this year I went to Denmark, Scotland, Ireland and Belgium! I’m so excited because I’m actually going to get to go TWICE this year, which I do not take for granted, at all. What an insane and unimaginable gift. I’m so excited.

4. I went to a clothing exchange 

Hands up if you like clothes! As someone who has more than I probably should, and a Degree in Fashion Design, I’m a 100% clothing and shoe lover. This month I got the opportunity to meet up with some other stylish ladies, and we exchanged clothing and stories and laughs. The best part was that all the extra clothes got given to an awesome non-profit that helps out women coming out of domestic abuse situations!

5. I hosted a craft night…and it was f*cking awesome (sorry, mom)

Me and a friend tried to join a knitting group about a month ago and when we got to the damn coffee shop (sorry, mom) we found out that the group wasn’t meeting anymore. We had been waiting to go for weeks, so we were pretty upset to find out we couldn’t get our knit on.

Solution? Host a craft night at my house so we DEFINITELY have a place to create and geek out. AND IT WAS SO FUN. One of my passions in life is bringing together magnificent, strong, creative women and having them all meet and talk to each other. What an awesome event for us to get to craft and laugh and drink wine and just have a great time!

6. I’ve hung out with eight estranged friends

I’ve talked about this on here, before, but my New Years Resolution was to grab coffee with someone every month, who I hadn’t seen in a long time. So far we’re 5/5 and I already have a couple coffee hang times scheduled for June.

This has honestly been one of the coolest resolutions, because it is TOO easy to lose touch with awesome people who may even live close, but are just eternally busy. And I get it, we’re so busy with life that we don’t have time for relationships with people, anymore. But let’s swim against the tide and battle those loneliness statistics (looking at you, Seattle—we’re #5 on the list).

7. I went to an awesome birthday dinner for my Grandpa

My family is borderline insane. And the great part about saying that is that we all agree, so I don’t have to apologize. That being said, we still get together and we still celebrate the occasional event. This April, we had a glorious celebration for my Grandpa’s birthday, and it was the actually a lot of fun! Maybe we’re growing out of some of our crazy?

8. I had a sleepover with my friends

Yep. Like an old-school sleepover. The brainchild of my brilliant roommate, we built a blanket fort out of our living room, watched Knight’s Tale, and ate pizza. Of course we had all types of girl talk and tons of laughs as well. The best part? It was at my house, so I still got to go to sleep in my own bed. #adulting

9. I didn’t adopt a cat…but I did get a cat sitting job

In March I got out of a pretty long term/serious relationship and as all sane recent breakup-ees do, I immediately went on the hunt for a cat to distract me from all of my woes. Thank the universe that nobody let me get one (because practically speaking I am technically allergic to most of them…broken hearts make you do weird things). The GOOD news is that I got a job cat sitting, which is awesome because I get to play with cats, get paid, and I still can breathe at home! Win-win-win.

10. I took a personal finance class…and it was awesome

Call me crazy, but why is personal finance not a required class in college? I mean, no wonder this country has so many financial problems. Ask any millennial and all we know is that if we don’t pay the student loan gods we get in trouble. What about retirement? What about balancing a budget sheet? WHAT ABOUT TAXES!? Okay, so that last one is probably more important to me because I work at an accounting firm, but come on America, where are we supposed to figure this stuff out!?

Luckily there was a free personal finance class that was offered near me, and it was like four hours of empowerment. I highly recommend looking into your local community centers (or this one was at a church—shoutout to Quest) to see if you can take one. Believe me, it’s worth the time investment.

11. I have an art exhibit going up tomorrow! 

Bonus! I have an art exhibit going up at Irwin’s Bakery tomorrow and I’m so excited! I’ve wanted to have an exhibit for a while, and it’s so awesome that the dream bubbling around in my mind is actually becoming real. If you have a chance to stop by definitely do, if you can’t, you can check out more pics (and a video – woot!) on my Facebook page.